because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
