I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think I am morally bankrupt
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
