I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
