just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
