I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
