im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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