I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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