I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i think im in europe. pls send help
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
