just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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