please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
