Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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