I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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