He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
