ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
