I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
