i may or may not be watching the land before time
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
my poor anus
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize