Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
