That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize