That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
