Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize