WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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