Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
