I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
