You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just found a bag of teeth...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
