My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
