What did we do last night that was yellow?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize