so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
