Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
