i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
