i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
