we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize