Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
