You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
