is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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