I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
