I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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