Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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