grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
