Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
