Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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