i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
