What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
