That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
