I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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