i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
