Buhtt sex?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
