i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
