if you like me you must not know who I am
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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