im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
