is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
