I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
