can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
