if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
