Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize