Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
