I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
