She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
