I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
