and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
