it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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