You can't special order awesome
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
