apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
