I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
