I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
