Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
