We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
