Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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