we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
