Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
