just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
