New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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